The REAL Reason You Don’t Fit In (What To Do About It!)

The REAL Reason You Don’t Fit In (What To Do About It!)

The REAL Reason You Don’t Fit In (What To Do About It!) 1920 1080 Christina Lopes

Learn why you don’t fit in (the real reason may surprise you!) and the 5 practical things you can do today to fix this problem.

There are so many people out there who feel like complete outsiders. They don’t fit in anywhere and this often leads to loneliness and deep sadness.

“I feel isolated because no one understands me, even my own family.”

This is a common comment from people who reach out to me to try and understand why they don’t belong anywhere.

And I know just how painful that can be.

But there’s a silver lining in all this. I’m here to tell you that there’s a deep reason why you don’t fit in (hint: it has something to do with you being a Lightworker) and once you know it, your days of feeling depressed or sad about being an outsider are going to end.

In this video, I’m going to show you why you feel like you don’t belong, why it can be so painful, and most importantly: what you can do to change this.

Here’s what we’ll cover in this video:

  • Why you don’t fit in or belong (it may surprise you!) 
  • The 3 main reasons why it hurts you to not fit in. 
  • 5 practical and actionable tips on what to do when you don’t fit in.

Here’s the audio version of this video:

Once you finish watching the video, let me know in the comments below:

What has been the hardest part for you about not fitting in?

If you enjoyed this post, please share it on social media with your friends!

Don't fit in

To submit a question for our weekly videos, add it below in the comments, with the hashtag #askchristina.

With deep love and gratitude;

signature - Christina Lopes


I’m a life coach, healer, spiritual teacher, and former clinician. My life’s work is to help you open your incredible heart, heal your past, and live with joy and purpose. Aside from my weekly video content, I also work 1-on-1 with people who need private individual guidance. If this is you, the fastest way to get help is to book a single session with me.


Did you know that many of life’s biggest challenges are caused by living with a blocked heart?

Take our 5-min Heart Quiz to find out if your heart is blocked, and you’ll get a ton of free and actionable tools to help you start opening your heart today.

  • I enjoyed the why I don’t fit in video. I really have experience this for a long time. Now that I know I feel Wonderful and Blessed life ahead. I been from job to job but I love retail and at the moment I was there working all at once a shift came and all the employees that I worked with left. As I looked at this video I understand more why I felt alone when they left. Thanks Christina may the Lord keep blessing you and using you to be a blessing for others.

  • margo van der Sluijs October 23, 2019 at 2:42 pm

    Hi Christina, I love your video’s because they are so right for me. I am a scare pin who wants to fit in a round hole. I did all your advices. For me connecting with the universe is giving the most satisfaction. I went living in a country where I don’t fit in, and that is totally accepted and I doon’t try to fit in. Lightworker, power back, connecting, yes all is nessecary to come to a place of being happy with yourself. I love to hear you to encourage me. I tried to fit in for over 60 years and never worked. Going to places where you don’t fit in makes it a lot easier. So now I live in the jungle in Guatemala. There are some other lightworkers here. So being open for new friends and letting go of the old is a important action and I need to do that all the time.

    Thanks, Margo


  • Thank you so very much. This has helped me sort out so much by exploring thoughts I had ignored for so long. What a powerful eye opening experience. By removing this one block has brought peace and purpose back to my life, especially this one. I now know I can go on to enjoy my lifes mission. Blessings to you for not giving up yourself and sharing this amazing message💕💕💕

    • Linzy- Team Christina October 23, 2019 at 9:44 pm

      So glad the video helped ❤️

      • This whole aspect of looking to god is really a lot of BS. So is the idea of being a so-called lightwkrker. I never got involved in any cause that involved in changing the world or to really helping change the world. The best thing to do is to find an activity or activities that appeal to you, and you’ll fit in that way.

  • Dearest Christina and Co.

    Wonderful video. So helpful.

    For me the worst part has been always to be minimum one step ahead of the rest of the world. Some times it feels like the world is catching up for a short period of time, and then I already have taken the next step.

    here’s an example:

    6 months ago I talked to my son (32) on the telephone and told him “don’t be alarmed, but now I’m officially a environmental activist on line”. He replied: ” It’s about time, you’ve only been it for the last 30 years in reality”.
    1 week later, I was in chock to realize, that the group I’ve joined only saw the problem from one angle and totally had mist the big picture and the complexity of the problem.

    My whole life I’ve felt like I had to move on and evolve, and at the same time I felt the need to “light up the road for others”, or like I’ve been a beaken for others to follow in their own time (however slow) and at the same time I had to conform to society and be ready for all the comments people inside the box have to give me to “help” me to see what’s wrong with me. They actually believe, that they are helping me to understand (and often feels superior) “the problem with me” and that I don’t understand anything, when I totally understand where they are coming from and that they are not ready to step out of their comfort zone yet.

    Please keep up your amazing work – It’s so helpful <3
    Berit-Aya Jensen (Denmark)

  • thanks christina,

    yes this really resonated with me. I know I am a lightworker. I work with Tarot and Astrology and have watched how intentional work with clients really opens them up to new ways of seeing themselves in their lives. It’s beautiful. Inspiring. Yet… I am still in process, myself. So, there are times I feel lost, alone, and wondering if I’m on the right path. Hearing this message, today, has me tapped in to the same message my guides have been giving me in my dreams — my value, my worth, my mission is independent of other people’s opinion of me. I must first see myself as worthy. as valuable. — and this poignant synchronicity with your words has brought me the light I needed, within. My biggest struggle, right now, is having moved to a new place, across the country, I have not found my people here, yet. I am constantly challenged to keep my light LIT, when I feel alone, physically. Thank you thank you, for this firm reminder to keep doing my work — for the collective, yes, but also for myself.



  • I am a poster child for not fitting in since I can remember, which dates back 50+ years. (born in mid sixties) yeah…. “all ya need is love”
    My biggest struggle is walking alongside the box, looking in on it, and always wkndering what it would be like to fit in.
    I now, most ofetn, walk alone and people find me interesting, and want to know me. I ma guessing thwats is because i know i belong here and its not an easy job out side the box…. the cereal inside is not sugar coated thats for aure! I am an open hearted rebel. A mom of a teen, and a baby scoop child.
    I get that i can with an empathic energy and a very defined heart….
    My awakenjeng has been a whirl wind of spontaeous experiences from gathering my fragmented parts, to most recently dreaming of my egos death…
    I could indeed benefit from knowing more people like myelf, who have gone from a severely wounded child to the a divine child, with tons of wounded healer, wounded child healer stuff in between.
    Chritinas stories are quite parallel to my life stories. And now it is upon me to re-write my story and live in my truth and purpose.

  • #askchristina how long can it take to get to the bottom of this

  • Hi
    Very alike with many comments here.
    Really feel the lightworker spirit here.
    To me the most difficult is seeing ahead clearly and not being able to fit in to explain, find the words so to feel the move, the changes that you feel are always to slow …
    And then constantly feeling unhappy, which is boring after after a while.

    Ok if me being a lightworker, why don t i get the goods insights all the time to do the right things.

    Its been a short year i v developped ability to do energetic healing to open people to 5th dimension.
    And now im even more like woaw, how am i going to have a normal life now :-))))
    Deep thanks for your healthy advices, stay humble everyone, becarefull of spiritual ego that comes quicker than you think and try to keep a healthy balance
    Trying to apply everyday here
    Love Peace and Power

  • Wow. Thank you so much for this video. I saw this in my email inbox while I was at work and couldn’t wait to get home to watch it, because that is ME. I have always been an outsider, since I was a small child. I am super sensitive and definitely an Empath, even though I’m not totally sure what that’s all about. I have, for years and years, been hiding my ‘light’ and trying to be like other people just so I wouldn’t be lonely. It’s been a very difficult journey to say the least.

    I have recently begun to question everything … my existence, God, the Universe, purpose, etc. Sparked in large part by the return of what I now believe is my twin flame, though I had no idea what that was either until I started to feel all kinds of turmoil that I couldn’t explain. I was searching the internet for reasons why I was having certain ‘symptoms’, and came across information on twin flames, which led me to meditation, which led me to tarot card readers, which led me to so much confusion, which led me to your website.

    I now alternate between the highest highs and the lowest lows, not knowing how to control what is happening to me. I have come across many articles and videos, and have had this word appear in dreams and meditations, and again in this video… surrender. I am understanding that I need to surrender, but I am having so much difficulty understanding what that really means. Does it mean that I do nothing and wait for the Universe to bring everything right side up again? Does it mean that I run away from everything that’s causing me pain? Does it mean that I stop being me? Are there actions I need to take to help things along? I pray and I pray, and I meditate and I meditate. I use mantras and everything else, but I just don’t feel LOVED. I feel like the ultimate outsider. I feel like there is no real purpose to all of this. I feel all ALONE.

    I have always been pretty comfortable being alone, as an introvert, I find my best energy when I am alone and able to regroup, but at this stage of my life, with recent upheaval, all I can think about is how alone I really am. I so appreciate this video, and I will watch it probably many times, because I think this will be very helpful to me as I keep trying to figure out why I am on this journey and what I could possibly have to offer the world.

    Thank you, God bless you for all you do, and I hope you always keep educating those of us who are lost and praying for us as we try to find our light and our power and live our divine destiny.

  • You project love, bravery, thank you
    Thank you for your top 10 book list. I’ve read 5 of them so far. It’s shocking but Neal looks so much like me haha

  • my kundalini arousal was 1994, I became clairvoyant……it scared the piss out of me. By what I experienced, you don’t
    awaken the KUNDALINI……THEY DO….. you have no choice. Sooner or later you follow their orders…..the whole thing
    turned my life upside….hey, I lived

  • When I was a child, it was a lot to be outside the box; however, as an adult, it is hard when you have to deal with toxic bosses and co-workers on a daily basis in a society that doesn’t put workers and people over corporations and bosses.

  • Thank you for this video. So much of it resonated with me, yet at the same time there is so little of it that I truly understand (if that makes any sense).

    I have never felt like I fit in ever since I was a little kid. This has continued into adulthood and now into middle age. Despite being “successful” academically and professionally for most of my life, I have felt insecure, anxious, uneasy, and unsure at every step of the way (even when I am alone). A job loss 18 months ago was a major disruption, and since that time I have been on a journey of self-discovery, seeking to understand myself better and understand why everything is the way it is.

    My efforts to get back into the “mainstream” (which include my job search) feel like I am swimming against a strong current. I am now north of 50 years old and just beginning to understand a feeling I have that I need to break out of whatever it is I am trapped in – the lifetime of conditioning to follow the rules, go to school, get a good job, and be practical – or perhaps more appropriately, the lifetime of constraints I have put on myself that I am not even fully aware of.

    At the same time, I feel like any dreams, goals, or purpose I had have been packed deeply away. I know they must be there somewhere, but I don’t know what they are, where they are, or how to retrieve them. While I’ve been practicing mindfulness for almost two years in hopes of achieving some kind of clarity, I have not found it yet. Perhaps I simply need to understand, accept, and embrace my place outside of the box to start, I’m not sure.

    I do feel a strong pull to make a difference and make a positive contribution in the world, but I don’t know what it is. I guess the fact that I am feeling that there is something to break out of, or break free from, is a good first step. Before that, I didn’t even realize I was “stuck”, I just knew I felt like an outsider (a former colleague affectionately referred to me as “quirky” – a descriptor I have grown to appreciate more now than I did initially).

    So for now I am continuing my journey of self-discovery, searching for my purpose and hoping to find some clarity, understanding, and ultimately, peace. I will keep going.

    Thanks for sharing your message with the world!

  • Hey, Christina & Team~

    I’ve enjoyed your videos immensely since being referred here through a forum group. Do you have recommendations for soul retrieval meditations?

    ~A Fellow Square Peg Not Fitting Into a Round Hole 🙂

    • Amanda – Team Christina April 22, 2020 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Virgina! Thank you for sharing and we are happy to have you in our community! Have you checked out our live meditations on the resources page of the website?

  • Charlotte Grimstone December 5, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    sooo i resontate hugely with you christina and your work. I absorb everything your teachings offer and you are very much a guide to me. I watched this video because im having MAJJOR problem coming into my power. I am an empath, a light worker never fitted in -felt sad lonely but not minded too much.But now lonliness disoriatation confusion and crippling depression is threatening my life and my health. (i’ve watched most of your videos and relentlessly practice self love, letting go, grounding, rituals etc )
    So i took your advice from you in this beautfiul video of yours^… i found myself a soul retrieval video. I have done home hypnosis sessions before and they have always been enlightening, cleansingly -painful but healing but with this one i am damn right STUMPED!
    The soul retrivel went into a garden, then a lower layer to the garden, then to painful emotions, then to where they orginate from in the most far back memory…well .. i wasnt taken to a memory. I was taken to this pitch black place oozing and enrcrusted place as if from coal. There was a crone/ witch. She didnt answer my questions about what i was doing there/where my soul was. She laughed at me and said that what i was seekig wasnt part of my soul but someone elses. ….!? I didnt find a jewel or part of my soul there. The meditation swiftly took me from that place before i got a chance to ask more questions. what the hell on earth am i dealing with? is a physical representation of a part of me? Am i dealing with another energetic rhealm? a curse? A duel soul? I have come out of the meidiation feeling at pease but confused and lost. it sounds weird i know. Totally unexpected outcome.

    It’s a long question i apologise.

    Blessings And Sunny vibes to you!

  • Kelly-Maree Humphreys March 17, 2022 at 10:16 am

    Hi Christina,

    I think the hardest part me about not fitting in is the depression and anxiety I experience as a result. I have no sense of self-worth or self-love. I am an extreme empath and cannot fathom how horrible the world is at the moment. I struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But maybe that’s because I am the light. I need to be the light for others. I want to reclaim my power and reconnect with my energy source (God). I have lost touch for years and I seriously need to get better. I am learning to accept that I am a misfit and I will never fit in but it’s tough. Its hard to accept because its so much harder to do life on your own. I was very depressed this morning and very suicidal but I knew I needed to do something to get me out of that hole and your video has really helped. thanks Christina for helping us to find our power again. <3

    • Amanda – Team Christina April 7, 2022 at 8:04 pm

      Hi Kelly Maree! We are so thankful that you’re a part of our community! I’m glad Christina’s videos help ❤❤


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